Tea Party Wary About Bobby Jindal’s Birth Certificate

Bobby Jindal before declaring presidential candidacy

Bobby Jindal before declaring presidential candidacy

WASHINGTON (The Nedelman Report) Bobby Jindal’s parents are immigrants from India. Jindal states that he was conceived in India and born in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, in 1971. Tea Party activists and birthers are questioning the legitimacy of his birth certificate – as they are wont to do with any potential candidate for President possessing a foreign-sounding name or skin darker than an albino alligator. Troubling also to the conservative Republican base is the fact that Jindal’s skin tone seems to change over time.

Bobby Jindal becomes lighter color in office

Bobby Jindal becomes lighter color for official portrait

Jindal, in his presidential bid, says he is praying for guidance to the “Republican” elephant god, Ganesh, widely revered in the Hindu pantheon of gods as the “remover of obstacles.” Tea Partiers and evangelical conservatives would come unglued if they ever got a whiff of the truth about who Ganesh really is. Jindal further claims that praying to Ganesh for high public office works much better than Mitt Romney’s special Mormon underwear, which clearly failed him and left Romney with his ass hanging out after each of his failed presidential runs.

“Bobby” Jindal, like many Southerners, has maintained the same pronunciation of his first name as he did in elementary school, instead of the mature-sounding Bob or Robert. The fact that Jindal never added a second or third first name, like Bobby Joe, Billy Bob, Bobby Joe Ellen, or Channarayapatra Bobby, is highly troubling to Southern Republicans and evangelical Christian conservatives who worry incessantly about where everyone was born and what they do with their genitals.

That poverty and illiteracy rates of Louisiana closely mirror those of India also raises suspicions about Jindal’s real birth place. Conspiracy theory prone Republicans and Tea Partiers, including the alpaca-haired Donald Trump, are concerned that the entrenched poverty and poor education system in Louisiana remind Jindal of an India he knew at a young age, indicating that he might not have been born in the United States after all.

While India has a higher literacy rate than Louisiana – 94% for India versus 84% for Louisiana – Tea Partiers, conservative Republicans, and evangelical Christians consider Louisiana’s low literacy rates a point in Governor Jindal’s favor. The conservative think tank, the Heritage Foundation, concludes that if Louisiana wants to maintain its lock on Southern education excellence as it has since Reconstruction after the Civil War, its voters must continue electing creationist evangelical Christians to state and local school boards. Jindal agrees with the Louisiana Conclave of Southern Baptist Ministers claims that this will serve to protect the people of Louisiana from creeping literacy, creeping employment, Obamacare, and higher SAT scores.

(Author’s note: This article is an excerpt from Bart Nedelman’s upcoming book, Finding God, Losing God: the Spiritual and Irreverent Upside to Losing Faith, on sale mid-July from Amazon.com.)

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