GOP Creates Massive Straw Shortage

Mitch McConnel denies evolution and that he is evolved from a Galapagos turtle

Mitch McConnell denies Obamacare enrollments are real and that he is evolved from a Galapagos turtle.

WASHINGTON – (Nedelman Report)  GOP critics of Obamacare vehemently denied that their grasping at straws to explain away the success of the final Obamacare sign-up numbers – 7.1  million on the Federal exchange and an additional 2.5 million on state sponsored exchanges – has created a nationwide straw shortage.

Peggy Noonan of the Wall Street Journal this morning grasped this histrionic straw:

“But six million people lost their coverage and were forced onto the exchanges!“

John Boehner borrowed 9.6 million straws from objective reality challenged columnist, Charles Krauthammer, and declared that most of the 9.6 million sign-ups never paid their premiums. They used a number of additional straws explaining how their clairvoyance gave them access to this information which no one else in the country has confirmed.

Tea Party darling Rand Paul admitted signing up his pet Rottweiler for Obamacare under an assumed name,  Redwhite N. Blue, stating he was a straw dog like many right wing Republican pet issues and deserved the same serious consideration as the rest of them.

All Republicans have grasped straws about the public not understanding Obamacare, with Senator Mitch McConnell echoing this complaint:

After all the lies we Republicans told about Obamacare since the law was passed, there’s no way in hell over nine million people chose to sign up for it. What is it they think they know that we Republicans don’t know…. other than them needing affordable medical coverage?

Senator McConnell added that he also denies evolution and further, that he is evolved from a Galapagos turtle.

Republican Eric Cantor grabbed this straw:

Needing health insurance is not a valid reason to sign up for Obamacare health insurance. They couldn’t have known what they were doing.

There is one straw Republicans refuse to grab:  9.6 million citizens proactively made a serious effort and a choice to enroll for medical insurance with Obamacare.

Republican Terrible Two’s

flipping the bird

WASHINGTON  (Nedelman Report) -- Eighty house Republicans simultaneously suffered a bout of the “terrible two’s” and requested John Boehner shut down the government instead of having Obamacare implementation proceed as voted upon and approved by … continue...

GOP: We Don’ Need No Stinkin’ New Mexican-American Citizens


WASHINGTON, DC  (Nedelman Report) -- House GOP obstructionists embraced their new slogan of the week, “We Don’ Need No Stinkin’ New Mexican-American Citizens.” House Judiciary Committee Chairman Bob Goodlatte, R-Va., rejected President Obama’s Path … continue...

The Stinkin’ GOP Treasure of Sierra Tawdry

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Bachmann Not Running – Collective IQ of Congress Projected to Rise

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Rand Paul Polls Higher Than God with Tea Party Evangelicals

god and adam

Televangelists and evangelical Christian ministers nationwide were stunned with the results of a recent Gallop poll in which Tea Party favorite Rand Paul polled higher than God in likability by 96.7% to 72.4%. This is well within Gallop’s margin of … continue...

Pope: Take This Job and ….

Pope Benedict XVI
Photo: Courtesy

Country & Western singer, Johnny Paycheck, twanged his way into the American workingman’s heart with the lyrics: “Take this job and shove it I ain't workin' here no more” Pope Benedict XVI, a secret country & western music fan,  took … continue...

Republicans: “We Own Your Genitals”

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Republican Introspection and Other Laughs

Preibus - RNC

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Mitch McConnell Made Honorary Galapagos Tortoise

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Ryan Channels Ayn Rand On the Poor for 2016

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Romney Dines with 47% at White House

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3,442,567 Reasons Romney Lost the Election

Karl Rove explain why Romney won Ohio

WASHINGTON DC  (The Nedelman Report) The Center for Republican Apologist Propaganda has completed its in depth their analysis of why Mitt Romney so decisively lost the election. It found 3,442,567 reasons, the number of votes President Obama beat … continue...

Romney Loses, Moves Money Offshore

Mitt Romney
Photo credit: Charles Dharapak / AP (cropped)

BOSTON (The Nedelman Report) -- Mitt Romney, decisively losing the presidency, gave his moral a boost by moving the rest of his money and holdings offshore into secret, non-taxable bank accounts in Bermuda, the Cayman Islands, Switzerland, and … continue...

Romney Vows to Hold Breath If He Loses

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