Trump Extends Credit to Mexico for Great Wall

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WASHINGTON — (The Nedelman Report) During the campaign, President-elect Donald Trump promised “We will build a great wall along the southern border. And Mexico will pay for the wall. One hundred percent.”

Former Mexican President, Vincente Fox, responded politely to Trump’s proposal with, “We’re not paying for that fucking wall.”

Today, as reported by POLITICO, Trump, blinked, waffled, and in a narcissistic twit, tweeted,

“The dishonest media is not reporting that any money spent, for the sake if [sic] speed, on building the Great Wall, will be paid back by Mexico,”

Not only has Mexico not agreed to pay for Trump’s “Great Wall,” unnamed sources report that Mexico’s President, Enrique Peña, has hung two, large identical pictures of a stark, empty desert scene in his office. The captions under the pictures read: “Before Mexico Paid for Trump’s Great Wall,” and “After Mexico Paid for Trump’s Great Wall.”

In order to keep his promise to his fear-laden, xenophobic American supporters to build the wall, Trump has invented an entirely new financial instrument which he named after himself: “The Great Donald Trump Pre-Defaulted Loan.” Trump explained how his new debt instrument will force Mexico to repay the United States for building the Great Wall.

“The USA will not wait for Mexico to pay for the wall. Instead, the USA will build the wall, exactly as I promised, and then force Mexico to repay us for the wall. I will do this by Fed-Xing Mexico my “Great Trump Pre-Defaulted Loan,” a big, beautiful piece of paper to match my big, beautiful, concrete border wall strung with razor wire. Oh, and this is really great, so beautiful, really great, we’re going to issue my new “Great Trump Pre-Defaulted Loan” to Mexico without asking them.”

When questioned about the legitimacy of the arrangement, Trump responded:

“It really makes no difference if Mexico agrees to my pre-defaulted loan or whether it’s legal or not. It’s no different than me grabbing women’s boobs and genitals without their permission. Anyway, just like my four, great, beautiful business bankruptcies when I stiffed thousands I owed millions to, Mexico will declare a “Beautiful Great Wall Bankruptcy,” and not pay us back. That way—and this is going to be sooo great—the federal government can take a loss for building the wall off its taxes for the next twenty years. Everybody wins and we get our beautiful Great Wall to keep all the Mexican criminals out.”

Rick Perry, Trump’s uniquely unqualified pick to head the Department of Energy, offered his support of the Trump’s Great Wall plan.

“Trump’s plan makes perfect sense to me and as head of the Department of Energy, I will supply the energy to build and electrify the wall just as soon as I can figure out how many electrons are needed and how many trucks it will take to haul them there. We will not use any criminal Mexican electrons to build the wall under any circumstance.”

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