Archives for May 2012

Donald Trump Legally Changes Name to Rapunzel!

NEW YORK CITY – TRUMP TOWER Donald Trump called a press conference on the top floor of his 58-story flagship building, Trump Tower, to announce he has legally changed his name to Rapunzel. In the Grimm’s fairy tale, Rapunzel is the maiden with incredibly long, blond hair who is imprisoned in a tall tower by […]

Bush’s Endorsement Forces Romney to Change Special Mormon Underwear

Mitt Romney’s campaign chairman profusely apologized, saying that the set of special Mormon underwear Romney wears to ward off evil had a “wardrobe malfunction” and was solely responsible for George W. Bush’s endorsement. Upon receiving news of Bush’s endorsement, Romney jumped up from the dinner table on his campaign bus, stripped off his clothes and […]

Boehner Tearfully Admits his Name is Really Pronounced “Boner”

In an effort to draw attention away from Obama’s televised attack ads on Mitt Romney’s record of job destruction at Bain Capital, Speaker of the House, John Boehner (until recently pronounced Bay-nor), came out of the “German grammar closet” and tearfully admitted his name is really pronounced “Boner.” Nancy Pelosi applauded John Boehner, saying: “The […]

Underwear Bomb Threat Upgraded to Highest Level – Pink with Frills

After the recent foiling of a female terrorist “underwear bomb” mission, the Congressional Sub-Committee on Undergarment Terrorism raised the threat level to Americans from terrorist underpants bombers to the highest threat level: “Pink with Frills.” The chairman of the sub-committee, Sparky Brimstone, an ardent South Carolina Tea Party loyalist, blamed Democrats and President Obama for […]

Gay Marriage Ban: North Korea Backs North Carolina

PYONGYANG, North Korea The new North Korean Leader, Kim Jong Un, issued a statement in support for North Carolina’s recently passed gay marriage ban. “It is good that two sexually repressed peoples living in countries whose names both start with “North” stand together against enlightened running dog capitalist social thinking. For the first time I […]

SANTORUM ENDORSEMENT TRICKLES DOWN ON ROMNEY

SOMEWHERE IN THE INTERNET CLOUD Staying true to Republican “trickle-down” economics, Rick “Savonarola” Santorum trickled-down his 98.6 degree endorsement of his chief rival, Mitt (short for “Mittens”) Romney. Santorum’s endorsement did not occur at a major news press conference as most politicos assumed would happen, but instead, in paragraph 13 of a long, rambling email […]

Romney Denies Being a “Tool”

COLUMBUS, OHIO      Mitt Romney was called a “tool” by autoworkers for advocating letting the Big 3 automakers go bankrupt and putting them and a million other supporting business employees out of a job. Romney misread the middle-class “tool” message and taking it as a compliment, celebrated, as noted in the picture. President Obama used the […]

Bachmann Finks Out and Endorses Mitt Romney

NEWPORT BEACH, CA Fox Propaganda and News reported GOP Rep. Michele Bachmann finked out and endorsed Willard Mitt (Mittens) Romney as the Republican party’s presidential candidate. Major news outlets lauded Fox P&N for reporting the true facts of a story for the first time in three years. Bachmann dropped out as a GOP presidential candidate […]

No Way Would Romney Have Ordered the Bin Laden Hit

Romney recently was asked if he would have ordered the Navy Seals into Pakistan for Osama bin Laden. I laughed when he popped out with the throw-away line, “Even Jimmy Carter would have given that order.” Riiiiiight. Nice try, but no way. Romney definitely would not have ordered the Seal Team 6 bin Laden hit […]

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