Archives for July 2012

21 Burn Tootsies at Tony Robbins Firewalk; 6,000 Get Cold Feet

SAN JOSE, CA  (The Nedelman Report) Nearly two dozen people burned the soles of their feet Thursday night while attempting the “Turn Fear into Power” firewalk on hot coals at a Tony Robbins “Unleash the Power” motivation seminar in San Jose, California. Unfortunately, the coals unleashed their power on the soles of trusting Robbinites, highly […]

Why Romney Can’t Release His Tax Returns and Win

NEWPORT BEACH, CA  (The Nedelman Report) If Mitt Romney doesn’t release his tax returns before the November election, he’s toast. If Romney does release his tax returns, he’s burnt toast. Romney clearly expresses himself in all his communications when asked to release his tax returns. Imagine a spoiled, six year old child, accustomed to getting […]

Mitt Romney Proves Einstein’s Theory of Special Relativity

OSLO, NORWAY (The Nedelman Report) Mitt Romney, with absolutely no scientific credentials, has shocked astrophysicists and the scientific community by adding one more proof that Einstein’s theory of Special Relativity is true. Romney’s incredible scientific feat has so impressed the Nobel prize committee that he is now under consideration for the Nobel Prize in Physics. […]

Drug Cartels Join Republicans to Fight Obamacare

WASHINGTON, DC  (The Nedelman Report) In a show of solidarity, drug cartels have joined congressional Republicans and Mitt Romney in fighting President Obama’s signature piece of legislation, the  Affordable Care Act, derisively nicknamed Obamacare by congressional Republicans. Buckwheat Rodriguez, South Carolina-born leader of the dreaded Mexican Buckwheat drug cartel, called for unity with congressional Republicans […]

Romney Seeks Handicapped Female Black Latino Illegal Immigrant for VP

In an effort to bolster his base of reasonably sane supporters to beat President Obama in the fall elections, Mitt Romney is desperately looking for a crippled, or at least handicapped in some way, female black Latino illegal immigrant for his VP running mate. Mitt Romney is not polling well with Latinos, blacks, Asians, women, […]

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