THE WHITE HOUSE
Security was exceptionally tight at the White House for former President George W. Bush and his wife who are here for the official unveiling of Bush’s presidential portrait.
Centered across the lower third of the G.W. Bush’s presidential portrait in 24 inch tall letters is, “IT’S ALL HIS FAULT.”
Buckwheat Rodriguez, head of White House security detail for this event, disengaged from two hookers in the janitorial supply closet in sub-level two of the White House to answer reporters’ questions. Rodriguez shocked reporters by disclosing high-level intelligence revealed a plot in place for England and Canada to be ruthlessly attacked while former President Bush was here with family and friends for the ceremony. Buckwheat went on to say,
“Counter measures are in place and access to the Oval Office strike authorization computers have been put off-limits to both former President Bush and Dick Cheney. Under questioning they pleaded the Fifth, but they cracked under water-boarding and admitted to planning to start a war with two countries that speak English, just for a change of pace.”
In a startling disclosure, Bush revealed that, as a child and without acting lessons, he played himself as the DNA-challenged banjo player in the movie “Deliverance.”
Bush also made the unusual request that his childhood movie trailer picture be hung instead of his presidential portrait to remind everyone of what can happen when Republican fiscal policy is married to evangelical Christian political action committee ideas.
Although Bush is thought to be politically toxic by many Republicans, a large number of his friends and staff put politics aside and arrived disguised as white homeless people and rap artists.
Former President Bush issued a statement emphasizing the spirit of bipartisanship he would like to see returned to Washington politics.
“Amurka wern’t bult on poltitions fightin’ and kickin’ each other in the ass fer a livin’. Amurka became grit by kickin’ other people’s asseroonies. Can y’all believe I lernt to speak Amurkan here and went to Yale and got lected Prezdent? Shit howdy! Is this a great country or what!”
With so many Tea Party advocates and ultra-right wing Republicans in attendance, President Obama delivered his non-partisan speech behind bullet proof glass. Obama’s six second speech patterned Julius Caesar’s famous opening lines of his narratives: “I came, I saw, I conquered.” Obama’s lauded Bush with,
“He came, he saw, he fucked up big-time.”
Mitt Romney, the presumed Republican nominee, was not invited to attend, but issued the following statement:
“Bush’s thinking and fiscal policies are exactly like my own and he’s a man of the people, just like me. Although I was not there for all the good that former President Bush accomplished, I can fairly say that I deserve a lot of the credit for saving the automobile industry. If you don’t believe me, ask Donald Trump who endorses me – he’s delusional, too.”