GOP Creates Massive Straw Shortage

WASHINGTON – (Nedelman Report)  GOP critics of Obamacare vehemently denied that their grasping at straws to explain away the success of the final Obamacare sign-up numbers has created a nationwide straw shortage – 7.1  million sign-ups on the Federal … continue...

Republican Terrible Two’s

WASHINGTON  (Nedelman Report) -- Eighty house Republicans simultaneously suffered a bout of the “terrible two’s” and requested John Boehner shut down the government instead of having Obamacare implementation proceed as voted upon and approved by … continue...

GOP: We Don’ Need No Stinkin’ New Mexican-American Citizens

WASHINGTON, DC  (Nedelman Report) -- House GOP obstructionists embraced their new slogan of the week, “We Don’ Need No Stinkin’ New Mexican-American Citizens.” House Judiciary Committee Chairman Bob Goodlatte, R-Va., rejected President Obama’s Path … continue...

The Stinkin’ GOP Treasure of Sierra Tawdry

BOSTON (Nedelman Report) --Chairman of the Republican National Convention, Reince Priebus, declared that the RNC decided to severely punish NBC News and CNN for daring to make and release movie biographies in 2015 about Hillary Clinton, a potential … continue...

Bachmann Not Running – Collective IQ of Congress Projected to Rise

WASHINGTON (Nedelman Report) Demonstrating her consistent inconsistency, after running TV ads this month for her re-election to Congress in 2014, Tea Party darling, Michele Bachmann, announced that she is not running for re-election. Actuarial social … continue...

Rand Paul Polls Higher Than God with Tea Party Evangelicals

Televangelists and evangelical Christian ministers nationwide were stunned with the results of a recent Gallop poll in which Tea Party favorite Rand Paul polled higher than God in likability by 96.7% to 72.4%. This is well within Gallop’s margin of … continue...

Pope: Take This Job and ….

Country & Western singer, Johnny Paycheck, twanged his way into the American workingman’s heart with the lyrics: “Take this job and shove it I ain't workin' here no more” Pope Benedict XVI, a secret country & western music fan,  took … continue...

Republicans: “We Own Your Genitals”

After being rejected decisively and losing the 2012 elections, Republicans completed their soul-searching and issued a terse, one-line comprehensive policy statement: “We still own your genitals.” John Boehner (grammatically pronounced “boner,” … continue...

Republican Introspection and Other Laughs

CHARLOTTE, NC (Nedelman Report)  The Republican National Committee (RNC) is currently gathered in Charlotte to do a poste mortem on the disastrous Republican fall election campaign.  To underscore the seriousness of their desire to see what went so … continue...

Mitch McConnell Made Honorary Galapagos Tortoise

GALAPAGOS ISLANDS   (The Nedelman Report)  Senate Republican minority leader, Mitch McConnell, has been named an honorary Galapagos tortoise by the president of the World Turtle Society, Sir Ian Cooter.  Sir Ian noted in his announcement: “In word … continue...

Ryan Channels Ayn Rand On the Poor for 2016

WASHINGTON  (The Nedelman Report)   Senator Paul Ryan further distanced himself from his losing-big running mate, Mitt Romney, by declaring he was now proposing a new federal program for special education called the “Washington Center for the … continue...

Romney Dines with 47% at White House

WASHINGTON  (The Nedelman Report)   In an unprecedented display of goodwill, Mitt Romney had lunch with one of the 47% of Americans he said were the takers, moochers, and parasites in our society. Upon arriving at the White House, Mitt Romney … continue...

3,442,567 Reasons Romney Lost the Election

WASHINGTON DC  (The Nedelman Report) The Center for Republican Apologist Propaganda has completed its in depth their analysis of why Mitt Romney so decisively lost the election. It found 3,442,567 reasons, the number of votes President Obama beat … continue...

Romney Loses, Moves Money Offshore

BOSTON (The Nedelman Report) -- Mitt Romney, decisively losing the presidency, gave his moral a boost by moving the rest of his money and holdings offshore into secret, non-taxable bank accounts in Bermuda, the Cayman Islands, Switzerland, and … continue...

Romney Vows to Hold Breath If He Loses

TOLEDO, Ohio (The Nedelman Report) – At a campaign stop in Toledo, Ohio this morning, Mitt Romney responded to jeers from the crowd by threatening to hold his breath if they did not vote for him. Romney threw out his oft repeated and confirmed lie … continue...