Rand Paul Polls Higher Than God with Tea Party Evangelicals

god and adam Televangelists and evangelical Christian ministers nationwide were stunned with the results of a recent Gallop poll in which Tea Party favorite Rand Paul polled higher than God in likability by 96.7% to 72.4%. This is well within Gallop’s margin of error of + or – 32% for their poll results.

rand paulThe polling sample was limited to people who claim to be both Tea Party members and evangelical Christians, about 55% of the Tea Party membership. Tea Party members were first shown pictures of God and Rand Paul, first explaining to them that the other guy in the picture with God was not a young Rand Paul. Then the following polling questions were asked:

Who do you think has done more to advance the Tea Party agenda here on earth, Rand Paul or God?

Who do you think has done more to advance the Tea Party agenda in heaven, Rand Paul or God?

Who would do more to keep Republicans from working with godless, socialist Democrats in Congress, Rand Paul or God?

If you were to die tomorrow, who would you rather spend eternity with, Rand Paul or God?

If the Apocalypse were to start before the next election and our Christian country was destroyed, who would more likely want to start it, Rand Paul or God?

While on average Tea Party members preferred Rand Paul to God by a margin of 24.3%, Tea Partiers in South Carolina preferred Paul to God by a margin of 2 to 1. By a margin of 4 to 1, Tea Partiers thought  the picture of Rand Paul was a more recent picture God.

Newly elected Senator Mark Sanford from South Carolina, who while governor and married used the state plane numerous times to visit his mistress in Argentina – while putting out the press story  he was hiking the Appalachian Trial solo for a week (I’m really not making this up), said the following about the poll:

“We Tea Party members don’t care a hoot about getting results. We think what people believe is a lot more important than getting anything done in Congress.  Hell, I got caught misusing the state plane and hiking the Appalachian Trail with my pants around my ankles in Argentina, and I still got elected Senator. What does that tell you about the intelligence of Tea Party voters? I stand with Rand Paul, here on earth and whatever happens later.”

Upon hearing the poll results, Rand Paul said,

“I really don’t want to be more popular than God to Tea Partiers unless it helps me get Congress to pass a new law that abolishes every federal and state law enacted after 1854. I don’t know if God’s is getting ready to pull Adam’s finger in Mike Angelo’s painting, but somebody sure pulled God’s finger when Sanford and me got elected.”

 


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