Republican Terrible Two’s

flipping the bird

Republican Terrible Two’s
Photo: courtesy

WASHINGTON  (Nedelman Report) — Eighty house Republicans simultaneously suffered a bout of the “terrible two’s” and requested John Boehner shut down the government instead of having Obamacare implementation proceed as voted upon and approved by Congress.

The “terrible two’s” is a mental condition many two-year olds suffer, characterized by fits of intractable anger, rage, inconsolable sorrow, and a shutdown of their frontal lobes — that part of the brain associated with objectively rational behavior. A wag described children suffering the terrible two’s as psychotic dwarfs with a good prognosis. The term, “good prognosis,” shows no sign of being applicable to the Tea Party or Republicans, generally.

The letter sent to Boehner by the evangelical Christian dominated Tea Party right wing of the Republican party is simply stated and adds gravitas to the psychotic description of children – and adults – suffering the terrible two’s:

“With respect to Obamacare, we, the eighty undersigned Tea Party Republican House Congressmen, do hereby collectively stomp are feet, tightly shut our eyes, cover our ears with our fists, shake our heads side to side, and do collectively say to Obamacare: na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na … (author’s note: for brevity, simply add three more legal size pages of “na, na, na”s).”

John Boehner seemed even more perplexed than usual to again find himself trying to be all things to all Republican House congressmen. Never one to come down on the side of rational objectivity, Boehner had this to say in defense of the terrible two’s many members of his party continue to experience since evangelical faith-based political action committees wrested the primary nominating process from more rational Republicans.

“Creeping democracy is something conservative Republicans will fight with our last breath. Even if majorities in both houses of Congress voted to approve the Affordable Care Act, known as Obamacare, it is perfectly understandable that Republicans, after having lost forty attempts in Congress to repeal Obamacare, resort to extortion. This is the true American way because when a minority doesn’t get its wishes fulfilled with democracy, the vote, it is perfectly permissible use extortion and threaten to shut down the government. The harm done to the government and all American citizens are secondary considerations.”

Boehner then burbled something about being present at another great moment in American history, and broke down in tears. John Boehner has been nominated for inclusion in the Nedelman Report’s: Pathetic Mediocrities in American History.


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