Romney Vows to Hold Breath If He Loses

Mitt Romney vows to hold breath if he loses election.

TOLEDO, Ohio (The Nedelman Report) – At a campaign stop in Toledo, Ohio this morning, Mitt Romney responded to jeers from the crowd by threatening to hold his breath if they did not vote for him.

Romney threw out his oft repeated and confirmed lie that Jeep was moving its auto production out of Ohio to Italy, causing many in the crowd to laugh and jeer. This prompted Romney to lash out at those who knew he was lying.

“Let me tell you parasitic 47-percenters the truth, as only I can make it up as I go along. I only need to fool a measly three percent of you Ohio dunderheads into voting for me, and that may be enough to win the state. If I become President because of a tiny lie, who cares? So if you don’t vote for me, and I seriously mean this because I know business, I am going to hold my breath until I turn the shade of an overripe eggplant and pass out. You know it’s a fact that serious business people can hold their breath longer than anyone else. And I’ll get my wife, Ann, to do the same because she knows some business, too.”

Clearly, Tea Party and evangelical Christian supporters interpreted Romney’s threat as a challenge and so, in unison, began chanting, “Death to Euro-Socialism, evolution, contraception, women’s right to choose, and secular objective reality!”

Romney’s Tea Party supporters continued their chant for another three hours until one member, who had a jasmine-flavored Chamomile tea bag stapled to his forehead, remembered that they had to stop protesting in time to make it to the polls and vote.

 

 

 


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