Ryan Channels Ayn Rand On the Poor for 2016

Paul Ryan (Credit: Reuters/Mike Segar)

WASHINGTON  (The Nedelman Report)   Senator Paul Ryan further distanced himself from his losing-big running mate, Mitt Romney, by declaring he was now proposing a new federal program for special education called the “Washington Center for the Forty-Seven Percent Who Can’t Read Too Good and  Don’t Really Want to Learn Much.”

Ryan announced his new assault on poor reading at the Jack Kemp Foundation dinner and followed up by saying,

“America needs educated citizens who can read really good, but we also need the moochers who pay no taxes, like the lower ranks in the military, to go off and get killed fighting worthless wars like Iraq. I channeled Ayn Rand and she said that she agrees with me. She even tells me how to act tough and independent and how to avoid telling the truth to American losers and parasites.”

Marco Rubio and Bobby Jindal, both sons of immigrants, are considered Presidential candidates in 2016 along with Paul Ryan. The race for the nomination started tonight. Marco Rubio was heard to have grumbled at Ryan’s statement,

“So Paul Ryan channels that old Nazi, Ayn Rand. If someone was a dumb shit in life, what makes him think anything’s changed just because they died?”

Former congressman Speaker John Boehner (really pronounced “boner” in proper German grammar) got emotional and began crying, yet again, managing to say between sobs:

“We honor Jack Kemp here, tonight, because he was the last Republican known to really give a rat’s derriere about the poor and issues about urban development. It’s good to see a new crop of young, energetic Republicans pretend forty seven percent of Americans aren’t worthless parasites and moochers. We’ll all have to take lessons from them if we want to win in 2016.”

Mitch McConnel denies he is evolved from a Galapagos turtle

Mitch McConnell spoke and, appealing to the center of the Republican party, denied both evolution and that he was descended from a line of near-sighted Galapagos turtles.


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