Ryan Introduces GOP’s “Let Them Eat Cake” Budget

Paul Ryan attempts to explain erroneous title

Congressman Paul Ryan introduced the GOP’s new “Path to Prosperity” budget, which Republican insiders laughingly call the “Let Them Eat Cake” budget, named after the famous Marie Antoinette quote when she was told the peasants were hungry and had no bread.

Ryan was asked about the effect of his budget on middle and lower classes who are already suffering grievously from the financial collapse and sting of eight years Republican mismanagement during the Bush presidency. Ryan quickly responded, “Are there no prisons? Are there no workhouses?”

Rick Santorum unilaterally backed Ryan’s new budget plan by saying, “Any country that thinks about dirty, sexy stuff as much as Americans do doesn’t deserve to eat – and believe you, me, I know how much Satan makes people think about icky sexual stuff. Ryan’s plan is God’s punishment for America listening to Satan and allowing law-abiding gays to live in peace… especially the smart gays in academia who shoulda’ never been allowed to go to college to infect straight kids to begin with.”

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Paul Ryan further claimed, “My Let Them Eet… er, Plan for Prosperity budget, offers more tax cuts for the wealthiest by eliminating wasteful spending on Medicare and education, and eliminating the Federal government. This is a plan prosperous Americans can understand and live with, especially the top 1% of income earners.”

Mitt Romney, deeply worried about offending Evangelical right-wing crazies in the primaries,  defended Ryan’s “Let Them Eat Cake” budget with these remarks:

“Cutting Medicare, military and government pensions, and social security is the only way we can afford to offset the revenue lost with more tax cuts to the wealthiest. The money has to come from somewhere and it sure isn’t fair to ask my buddies who own race cars and sports teams to pay. Of course, I’ll flip-flop and deny ever saying this when I run against Obama this fall.”

The Congressional Budget Office, the CBO, declared that Ryan’s budget plan would effectively do away with the Federal government by 2050, including air traffic control, the FDA, and Pell grants. Upon hearing this report from the CBO, Ron Paul started giggling maniacally and frantically clapping his hands until he was taken away to an undisclosed location.

Newt Gingrich was pigeon-holed leaving a Raving Narcissists Anonymous meeting which he attends twice daily and said, “Ryan’s crackpot “Let Them Eat Cake” budget plan is too simple and not even close to the big ideas I’m known for.  For starters, I would have named Ryan’ budget plan, the “Fuck the 99% Greedy Budget Plan,” to make it more understandable to the small-idea dumskies who will vote for it.”

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