SANTORUM ENDORSEMENT TRICKLES DOWN ON ROMNEY

Rick Santorum: "Satan is out to destroy America."

SOMEWHERE IN THE INTERNET CLOUD

Staying true to Republican “trickle-down” economics, Rick “Savonarola” Santorum trickled-down his 98.6 degree endorsement of his chief rival, Mitt (short for “Mittens”) Romney.

Santorum’s endorsement did not occur at a major news press conference as most politicos assumed would happen, but instead, in paragraph 13 of a long, rambling email which Santorum unleashed under cover of darkness at 11 PM Monday night.

Earlier, Romney and Santorum met to discuss Romney’s bona fides with respect to his:

  1. social conservatism
  2. hatred of Satan and his [Romney’s] Christian religious purity
  3. special Mormon underwear (Santorum wants to try the underpants)
  4. 98.6 degree trickle-down economic agenda, not counting Romney’s untaxed millions in offshore and Cayman Islands bank accounts
  5. commitment to deport all illegal Mexicans within 30 days of inauguration
  6. commitment to deport all non-Christians within 31 days of inauguration

The meeting with Romney allowed Santorum to “vent” for the numerous campaign ads Romney ran portraying Santorum as a duplicitous, self-serving buffoon and a Satan-fearing whack-job. After “venting” for 7 1/2 hours, Santorum agreed to remove the pins from a Romney voodoo doll he carried throughout his doomed-to-failure campaign. Many people, though, after the nature of Santorum’s endorsement, now believe Romney’s attack ads to be true.

The late-night timing, manner (email), and “at least you’re not as bad as the other guy” endorsement puts Romney in a difficult position. Does he accept Santorum’s lackluster endorsement in his usual wishy-washy manner, or does he tell Santorum to stick his crappy endorsement where the sun never shines, as any self-respecting illegal Jewish Mexican would?

Promoting party unity, Romney’s campaign issued the following statement:

“We have absolutely no hard feelings about Santorum’s 98.6 degree “trickle-down endorsement,” and to prove our sincerity, we have assigned a speaking slot for “Savonarola” Santorum  at the Republican National Convention, fourteen blocks away with the protesters.”

 


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