Sara Palin’s Secret Plan to Run for President

WASHINGTON (The Nedelman Report) It is reported that there is a plan to secretly train Sara Palin to speak in complete sentences in preparation for a 2016 presidential run. The Center for Republican Apologist Propaganda (CRAP), the fantasy wing of American Crossroads, the Republican Super PAC headed by Karl Rove, has finally completed their in […]

Christianity Is New Law of Texas

In a drastic cost-cutting move, Texas Attorney General, Ken Paxton, declared that Texas doesn’t need any law other than what good Christians think. His first act under OCL (Old Christian Law) was to ban gay marriage in Texas after a federal judge struck down a Texas gay marriage ban in February of 2014, subject to […]

GOP Creates Massive Straw Shortage

WASHINGTON – (Nedelman Report)  GOP critics of Obamacare vehemently denied that their grasping at straws to explain away the success of the final Obamacare sign-up numbers has created a nationwide straw shortage – 7.1  million sign-ups on the Federal exchange and an additional 2.5 million on state sponsored exchanges . Peggy Noonan of the Wall […]

Republican Terrible Two’s

WASHINGTON  (Nedelman Report) — Eighty house Republicans simultaneously suffered a bout of the “terrible two’s” and requested John Boehner shut down the government instead of having Obamacare implementation proceed as voted upon and approved by Congress. The “terrible two’s” is a mental condition many two-year olds suffer, characterized by fits of intractable anger, rage, inconsolable […]

The Stinkin’ GOP Treasure of Sierra Tawdry

BOSTON (Nedelman Report) –Chairman of the Republican National Convention, Reince Priebus, declared that the RNC decided to severely punish NBC News and CNN for daring to make and release movie biographies in 2015 about Hillary Clinton, a potential 2016 Democratic Presidential challenger. It makes no difference to the RNC that NBC Entertainment, not NBC News […]

Bachmann Not Running – Collective IQ of Congress Projected to Rise

WASHINGTON (Nedelman Report) Demonstrating her consistent inconsistency, after running TV ads this month for her re-election to Congress in 2014, Tea Party darling, Michele Bachmann, announced that she is not running for re-election. Actuarial social scientists at the ultra-right-wing Heritage Foundation ruefully admitted that they calculate the collective IQ of Congress will rise by 3.43 […]

Rand Paul Polls Higher Than God with Tea Party Evangelicals

Televangelists and evangelical Christian ministers nationwide were stunned with the results of a recent Gallop poll in which Tea Party favorite Rand Paul polled higher than God in likability by 96.7% to 72.4%. This is well within Gallop’s margin of error of + or – 32% for their poll results. The polling sample was limited […]

Pope: Take This Job and ….

Country & Western singer, Johnny Paycheck, twanged his way into the American workingman’s heart with the lyrics: “Take this job and shove it I ain’t workin’ here no more” Pope Benedict XVI, a secret country & western music fan,  took Johnny Paycheck’s advice to heart and resigned today, effective February 28. Very few, even among […]

Republicans: “We Own Your Genitals”

After being rejected decisively and losing the 2012 elections, Republicans completed their soul-searching and issued a terse, one-line comprehensive policy statement: “We still own your genitals.” John Boehner (grammatically pronounced “boner,” not “bay-nor”) has declared that Republicans will no longer openly talk about the sexual and gender issues, gay rights and marriage, and women’s right […]

Republican Introspection and Other Laughs

CHARLOTTE, NC (Nedelman Report)  The Republican National Committee (RNC) is currently gathered in Charlotte to do a poste mortem on the disastrous Republican fall election campaign.  To underscore the seriousness of their desire to see what went so wrong, all RNC attendees are required to wear thick-lensed Groucho Marx glasses with attached rubber nose. RNC […]

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