RUBIO SO CROOKED HE HAS TO SCREW HIS SHOES ON

NEWPORT BEACH (The Nedelman Report) — Marco Rubio has won The Nedelman Report’s annual “Screw-Shoes Award” for the most financially irresponsible politician seeking high public office in 2016. The editorial board issued the following statement explaining why Marco Rubio deserves the annual Screw-Shoe Award: “Marco Rubio won the 2016 Screw-Shoe Award because, like previous winners, […]

Sara Palin’s Secret Plan to Run for President

WASHINGTON (The Nedelman Report) It is reported that there is a plan to secretly train Sara Palin to speak in complete sentences in preparation for a 2016 presidential run. The Center for Republican Apologist Propaganda (CRAP), the fantasy wing of American Crossroads, the Republican Super PAC headed by Karl Rove, has finally completed their in […]

Christianity Is New Law of Texas

In a drastic cost-cutting move, Texas Attorney General, Ken Paxton, declared that Texas doesn’t need any law other than what good Christians think. His first act under OCL (Old Christian Law) was to ban gay marriage in Texas after a federal judge struck down a Texas gay marriage ban in February of 2014, subject to […]

Republican Mourdock: ‘Rape is Something God Intended’

Richard Mourdock wins coveted Nedelman Report Shifferbrains Award Richard Mourdock, Indiana Republican candidate and Tea Party favorite for Senate, wins the coveted Nedelman Report Shifferbrains Award for his statement made yesterday: “…I came to realize that life is that gift from God and I think even when life begins in that horrible situation of rape […]

21 Burn Tootsies at Tony Robbins Firewalk; 6,000 Get Cold Feet

SAN JOSE, CA  (The Nedelman Report) Nearly two dozen people burned the soles of their feet Thursday night while attempting the “Turn Fear into Power” firewalk on hot coals at a Tony Robbins “Unleash the Power” motivation seminar in San Jose, California. Unfortunately, the coals unleashed their power on the soles of trusting Robbinites, highly […]

Underwear Bomb Threat Upgraded to Highest Level – Pink with Frills

After the recent foiling of a female terrorist “underwear bomb” mission, the Congressional Sub-Committee on Undergarment Terrorism raised the threat level to Americans from terrorist underpants bombers to the highest threat level: “Pink with Frills.” The chairman of the sub-committee, Sparky Brimstone, an ardent South Carolina Tea Party loyalist, blamed Democrats and President Obama for […]

SANTORUM ENDORSEMENT TRICKLES DOWN ON ROMNEY

SOMEWHERE IN THE INTERNET CLOUD Staying true to Republican “trickle-down” economics, Rick “Savonarola” Santorum trickled-down his 98.6 degree endorsement of his chief rival, Mitt (short for “Mittens”) Romney. Santorum’s endorsement did not occur at a major news press conference as most politicos assumed would happen, but instead, in paragraph 13 of a long, rambling email […]

What Makes a Shifferbrainer a Shifferbrainer

Shifferbrains. Say it quickly, as in, “She acts like she has shifferbrains.” Has a ring to it, does it not? One word can say so much when properly applied. We all know a “shifferbrain” or “shifferbrainer” and we may have deserved the moniker, ourselves, a time or two, but we try not to make a […]

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