The Stinkin’ GOP Treasure of Sierra Tawdry

Preibus - RNC

Reince Priebus and the RNC find free press objectionable

BOSTON (Nedelman Report) –Chairman of the Republican National Convention, Reince Priebus, declared that the RNC decided to severely punish NBC News and CNN for daring to make and release movie biographies in 2015 about Hillary Clinton, a potential 2016 Democratic Presidential challenger.

It makes no difference to the RNC that NBC Entertainment, not NBC News – a completely separate division, is making the movie. The Republican National Committee voted to bar NBC News and CNN from participating with the RNC in any 2016 presidential primary debates for violating Republican warped ideals of a free press.

“We aren’t going to sit idly by and allow a free press to play fast and loose with the public by presenting, for the public’s benefit, biographies of Hillary Clinton. If she was dead, then OK, but not while she’s alive. CNN and NBC Entertainment making a movie about Hillary Clinton would be like Glenn Beck, Charlie Krauthammer, or Mark Levine making a movie about G.W. Bush  or Mitt Romney. There’s just no way it could be honest or make any sense to anyone objectively rational and it shouldn’t be allowed.”

To counter the Clinton movies in the works at CNN and NBC Entertainment, the RNC also voted to do a remake of the 1948 much acclaimed, The Treasure of Sierra Madre. The RNC remake is to be called, The Stinkin’ GOP Treasure of Sierra Tawdry.

Acclaimed as one of the finest films ever made, The Treasure of Sierra Madre is about three busted-out gold prospectors who strike it rich in the rugged Sierra Madre Mountains of Mexico, only to be held up by banditos who try to palm themselves off as Mexican federal lawmen. When the bandito leader is asked to show proof, their badges, he replies, “We don’ need no stinkin’ badges,” one of the most famous lines in movie history. The movie is a moving portrait of how greed can lead one to a psychotic and crazy lust for riches, very eerily much like the RNC’s last presidential candidate, Mitt Romney.

Movie buffs on the RNC committee said that famous “stinkin” line reminded them very much of their obstructionist record for the last six years in Congress. The RNC, not to be deterred, doubled-down and voted to formally change the RNC motto to: “We don’ need no stinkin’ (fill in the blank).”

“Think about it,” said Priebus, “it’s an absolutely beautiful slogan; it goes with everything we stand for, and even better, it’s interactive — our ultra right wing evangelical Christian Tea Party base can fill in blank with whatever they don’t like on general and biblical principles, like: We don’ need no stinkin’ …. gay rights, women’s rights, evolution taught in science classes, movies about Hillary Clinton before the election! Obamacare, Obama,  minority voting rights, National Public Radio, Obama appointed Federal judges, heads of federally mandated departments, food stamps, jobs, immigration reform…and even a free press. The list of serious issues to be dealt with positively can be obstructed endlessly and our new “We don’ need no stinkin’ ______” slogan says it all.”

Mitch McConnel denies evolution and that he is evolved from a Galapagos turtle

Mitch McConnel denies both evolution and that he is evolved from a Galapagos turtle

In a daring move, the RNC picked John Boehner, Mitch McConnell, Ted Cruz, Rand Paul, Sarah Palin, and Eric Cantor to play the parts of the lively, but bumbling and ill-tempered banditos. To counter their zombie-like personalities, Boehner, McConnell, and Cantor have all agreed to exchange their embalming fluid for real blood before production begins.

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