NEW YORK CITY – TRUMP TOWER
Donald Trump called a press conference on the top floor of his 58-story flagship building, Trump Tower, to announce he has legally changed his name to Rapunzel. In the Grimm’s fairy tale, Rapunzel is the maiden with incredibly long, blond hair who is imprisoned in a tall tower by a wicked witch.
In the story, a handsome prince type wanders by and hears Rapunzel singing alone in the tall tower and convinces her to let down her hair so he can climb up to her. Of course he knocks her up faster than Mitt Romney can say “I helped create jobs at Bain Capital.”
Commenting on changing his name, Rapunzel (Trump) said,
“I’ve got the hair for it and I got the tall tower for it, Trump Tower, so it makes every bit as much sense to me to change my legal name to Rapunzel as it does for me to question Obama’s birth certificate. As of now, I’m changing the name of Trump Tower to “Rapunzel Tower,” just to make sure everyone knows who’s still the biggest narcissistic megalomaniac in New York.”
The press conference was disturbed by faint shouting from the street far below,
“Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair! Let down your long, beautiful hair, Punz, oh, pretty pleeeeeeeze!!!”
To all the journalist’s amazement, Rapunzel (Trump) opened a window and leaning far out, removed 465 bobby pins and 148 hidden ribbons that were compacting his hair on top of his head, allowing it to cascade down the 58 floors to the street below. Rapunzel (Trump) then spent the next ten minutes fighting a heaving weight until, to no one’s surprise, Mitt Romney tumbled over the window sill and into press conference.
Romney looked startled and asked Rapunzel,
“I thought we were going to be alone, ‘Punz. What are all these commoners doing here? I almost crapped my special Mormon underwear climbing up here.”
The newly-minted Rapunzel looked nonplussed and replied,
“You know I don’t do nothin’ alone, Mittens – I crave an audience for everything. You knew when you asked for my endorsement that you were going to have to say and do a lotta’ crazy stuff even a lab rats won’t do.”
Romney, obviously knowing his place, sat quietly by, smiling demurely as Rapunzel droned on for another hour and forty minutes about Obama’s birth certificate and how much fun it is to have a rubber-spined presidential candidate in his hip pocket to go along with him.