TRUMP FINDS CONVENTION SPEAKERS!

Donald Trump's Corn Silk Hair

Trump finds speakers willing to say something nice about him for the convention

Contrary to Las Vegas odds-maker’s prognostications, Donald Trump has managed to find people other than the newly-minted zombie, Chris Christie, to speak at the Republican Convention in Cleveland this month.

While many Repub congressmen and governors say that they are too busy to attend or need, instead, to run for reelection, some have actually come clean.

“I’ve got to mow my lawn (for four days).” Sen. Jeff Flake, (R-Ariz.)

Jeb Bush, making excuses for the male members of his immediate family not attending, put it this way:

“I’m fighting mad at Donald for exposing me at the debates as the wimp I am, so I’m going to hold my breath during the entire Republican Convention— like my brother, George, did for his entire administration — and hope I don’t become as mentally impaired. I can do better than my shifferbrains brother, who started a war in Iraq for absolutely nothing and got hundreds of thousands of people killed.”

Don King to speak for Trump? photo credit: www.cinemuseum.org

Don King to speak at Republican Convention? photo credit: www.cinemuseum.org

Trump is turning to famous speakers from the sports world to fill speaking slots at the convention, what he calls his “winners’ night”. The most prominent speaker’s name bandied about, and a Trump supporter, is Don King, the fabled boxing promoter of fright-wig fame. It was rumored that Mike Tyson would speak at the convention, but cooler heads than Trump’s prevailed and Tyson is out.

King had this to say about all of the speaking turn-downs by elite Republicans.

“I gotta laugh at all those sissy Republicans who fright-wigged and looked like me when they were asked to speak for Trump at the convention. They acted like they’d been asked to get in the ring with Mike Tyson.”

Many evangelical Christian leaders find Trump to be God’s choice for the next President and publicly support him. James Dobson calls Trump the “tender to things of the spirit” (meaning the Holy Spirit). It is anticipated that one or more delusional evangelical Christian leaders will speak of God’s endorsement of Trump for President. Of course, this only begs the question, “How can evangelical Christians really believe that their lord and god, Jesus Christ, creator of the universe, would want them to vote for a narcissistic megalomaniac with corn-silk hair for President?”

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