Trump’s VP Choices – Damaged Goods, But Serviceable?

Donald Trump's Corn Silk Hair

Donald Trump’s Corn Silk Hair

At the beginning of the GOP primary season, no one seriously believed that a blow-hard billionaire who looks like he grows genetically modified corn silk on his head would be picking a Vice-Presidential nominee. Only my schizophrenic astrologer told me this was going to happen, so eat your heart out, David Brooks and Charles Krauthammer — and buckle-up.

The GOP base, finally realizing that the Repub elite have played them for suckers and fools for the past thirty years, came out of the ether and turned on them like rabid pit-bulls, choosing an up-front, no-holds barred megalomaniac of cosmic proportions to be their candidate. Trump was the only candidate who knew how to give voice to their anger— anger, malevolent and assiduously promoted for decades by the Repub elite, themselves — directed at imaginary Mexican villains, Jesus-free libs, and sexually well-adjusted moderates and women. If Yahweh and Jesus had been among prospective GOP elite candidates, they wouldn’t have stood a chance against Trump in the primaries.

Anyone Trump chooses must be damaged goods — if not damaged by the Donald, himself, then so by goofy Jesus-freaky claims or prone to self-inflicted wounds, like Ben Carson or Chris Christie. Let’s take a brief look at some of the damaged goods who may be Trump’s VP material:

Ben Carson – The only candidate who convincingly feigned narcolepsy during the GOP debates while speaking and standing upright at the same time. Carson saying the Pyramids were used for grain storage did nothing to confirm his grasp on reality to voters. His views on Jesus personally intervening in his life and telling him to run for President are primordial and clearly delusional (ditto Ted Cruz – after all, Jesus wouldn’t have asked both of these high-steppers for Jesus to run for President at the same time, would he, unless he was hedging his bets?).

Rick Scott — Two-time GOP Florida governor with extensive and exceptional experience in Medicare — the company he ran was fined $1.7 billion for Medicare fraud. The word “shifferbrains” describes the intellectual capacity of the GOP voters who didn’t see fraud on such a massive scale as a statement about the ethical challenges of such a candidate, or massive fraud being an impediment to high public office. Scott’s Medicare insurance fraud legacy would not be an issue with the multitude of GOP secessionists and anarchists receiving Medicare benefits.

Ted Cruz — Known as a huckster in Congress and the only GOP candidate to display a Pavlovian drooling response whenever Jesus’ name is mentioned.  When behind, Cruz effortlessly pivoted to the old “a vote for me is a vote for Jesus” ploy. Cruz clearly would crawl through glass to keep his name in the headlines as Trump’s VP, even after Trump theorized that Cruz’s dear, old Cuban Dad was involved in JFK’s assassination, and was buds with Lee Harvey Oswald, JFK’s crack-shot killer. Although Cruz did respond by calling Trump “pathological liar,” “utterly amoral,” a “narcissist,” and “serial philanderer,” this makes absolutely no difference to Ted Cruz’s desire to be Trump’s VP — which speaks volumes about Trump and the moral and ethical decay of both Ted  Cruz, specifically, and the GOP, generally.

Rick Perry — The former two-time Texas governor, a tough-talkin’ half-pint cowboy in a ten-gallon hat, who ran for President in 2012 and 2016. Trying to shed his feeble-minded image after his disastrous 2012 debate performance, Perry surrendered his cowboy boots for real lace-up shoes and nerd-glasses for his 2016 run. Absolutely no one was fooled as his primary speeches clearly confirmed that although his porch lights are on, nobody is home.

Chris Christie — With a name suggesting a popular breakfast cereal, but mocked unmercifully for standing like a certifiable catatonic behind Trump at campaign stops, the formerly dynamic Christie now appears to be a victim of the Trump body snatchers.  Were Trump to choose him for VP, Christie carries two major negatives: closing George Washington bridge lanes from New Jersey to Manhattan causing massive traffic snarls during rush hour — for cheap political reasons, and binge eating. There has to be a moral-lesson movie in this somewhere.

Sarah Palin — A vicious, knuckle-duster political force in her own right, known for her self-promotion, self-inflicted illiteracy, promotion of unwed motherhood, and unrivaled verbal pandemonium. Palin, deprived of a teleprompter, is less intelligible than a church full of North Carolina snake-handlers speaking in tongues.  If Trump thinks she can help him with women voters, Palin’s cerebral incontinence — her inability to retain a rational thought in her head — will not be an impediment to Trump choosing her to be next in line for the Presidency, leader of the free world. Trump identifies with Palin and respects the fact that Palin is known to have spectacularly cheated death on at least three occasions when she was nearly killed by a rational train of thought passing through her head.

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