Underwear Bomb Threat Upgraded to Highest Level – Pink with Frills

Islamist terrorist pink underwear bomb

After the recent foiling of a female terrorist “underwear bomb” mission, the Congressional Sub-Committee on Undergarment Terrorism raised the threat level to Americans from terrorist underpants bombers to the highest threat level: “Pink with Frills.”

The chairman of the sub-committee, Sparky Brimstone, an ardent South Carolina Tea Party loyalist, blamed Democrats and President Obama for the recent slate of attempted terrorist underwear bomb missions initiated by an offshoot of al Qaida. The group is composed of notorious cross-dressing Islamist extremists calling themselves the “Terror of God’s Underpants Party.”

Congressman Brimstone issued the following statement:

“It’s the Democrat’s durned immigration policies that allow foreigners to come visit America. If we closed off all of our borders to foreigners and didn’t allow even one of  ’em to squeak through, then we wouldn’t have any of them underwear bombers tryin’ to blow their balls off on commercial flights to Amurka.”

The Psychiatry Department at a well-known evangelical college completed a secret Homeland Security financed study on the mental state of Islamist underwear bombers. After two years of study they released their brief conclusions:

 “It takes an extremely dedicated and confident Islamist terrorist to blow off his genitals five seconds before meeting the 72 young virgins waiting for him in heaven.  If you go to Allah heaven without genitals, what’s the point? You might as well go to bible school in Lubbock, Texas for eternity. Us Christians want all our body parts at the resurrection, even if we won’t ever be allowed to use them. Our genitals would be just for show, but come to think of it, we wouldn’t be allowed to do that, neither.”

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